Wednesday, December 7, 2016

What if your spouse or extended family refuses to allow you to homeschool your children? Have any of you had to face such a situation?

Question : Opposition
What if your spouse or extended family refuses to allow you to homeschool your children? 
Have any of you had to face such a situation?


 
Sobia Ajaz Mhs
Another aspect of the same problem can be, when you want to homeschool but the living style of the family does not support. Eg if the child is at home, your family does not allow you to force early bed times and consequently early mornings, you cannot keep child focused because of the laad piyar of the family. Also when going out on meetups and clubs is an issue.
My solution for now is that my daughter has started school and m determined to homeschool after grade 2. And will do some afterschool with her and won't give her too much pressure for school.

 

Sb: 2 boys 1 daughter/Ages 5-10
My husband, in-laws, parents and brother opposed homeschooling.
They didn't think it would be best for the kids and questioned my ability to teach them.
I spent a year convincing my husband, making him listen to impactful talks and reading him excerpts from books. He began to see the faults of the school system, but wasn't comfortable with me taking control of all their educational needs.
Finally the deal he made with me was that we'd take the kids out of school, but if it didn't work out, I would have to admit it and agree to put the kids back in school.
Alhamdulillah, neither of us have looked back. My in laws and parents have gotten used to it, but they do still feel school would be best for the O level years.
For timings my opinion is:
If you force regular bed times when your child goes to school, you need to do so while homeschooling too.
If you stick to your rules for homeschool timings, the family will also get used to it.
 


SAA; 3 sons, 2 daughters/ ages 16 years to 7 years
Assalam alaikum
I'll start a little back
Every year at the start of summer vacation or the end of exam the kids would start extensive projects of their interest
Reading biology
Marine biology
Ornithology 
Paleontology
Robotics
Industrial operations
Coding
Block java etc
Nuclear science
Electro physics
Astrophysics
Particle physics 
List goes on and on
My husband and I were specific if you are studying something you should be able to explain it simply
Kids would revel in this time their inert genius slowly shining out
Then school starts again and all that would be left behind
In time we started to see kids impatience and frustration with the curriculum
My husband for a long time had asked me to homeschool the kids
Telling me that we are wasting our money in schools
My kids went to a good school
Teachers were OK like most teachers
Knew that children were special needs ones made friends with the kids
But ironically they would say kids are intelligent but need adjustment
The administration was very supportive
That was one reason I couldn't take the leap earlier
Opposition I faced was from Inlaws
But not very strong
Kids were already on routine system
Were achieving more were better disciplined 
Socialisation was important aspeclhamdulilah we found it in our book groups
Yes mana too
My husband took the initiative of calling it his idea
And standing firm that all questions should be directed to him
Didn't work that way I knew the only way to stop the daily argument is to be on my toes and show more results
In a way I am grateful for this cause I don't have a chance to lax
 

 Umm Salaar : How old were your children when you pulled them out of school? If you don't mind sharing.

 

SAA: 13, 11,10 ,5
That was last year in August so I'm not a veteran just started too
 


Mrs AH: 2 sons,7 and 15
First and foremost I would suggest that everyone do istikhara before deciding to take a stance on homeschooling your kids.It is wise to always weigh in the pros and cons and when the situation does not permit it then don't stubbornly refuse to listen to anyone else, hence ask for wisdom and clarity in your goal and intentions.
Second of all, try to understand that any opposition that you may face from within your family or social circle comes from a good place.Your relatives will genuinely believe that they are protecting the children's best interest by intervening.Once you get to terms with that ,we reach to the third point,which is:
Educate yourself and others.Read up as much as you can on the topic,take notes, and be prepared to refute confusion with facts.It is especially helpful for concerned parties to hear about others who do the same and a series of success stories don't hurt either.That's how I got my husband to agree, by reading him HomeWorks magazine articles about real life people,here,in Karachi.



Ummibaps : Question : Opposition
Conclusion :
- be patient
-  educate those around you about homeschooling
- allow them to observe the problems of school
- if you are already homeschooling,   give them a chance to observe the benefits
ALSO
- prioritize : is the decision to homeschooling causing excessive friction , ruining relationships,   causing the children to disrespect their mother? 
If so , can the decision to homeschool wait for a while till:
- the notion is less detested
- some sort of approval is given by the spouse
- the child goes to school for a bit to appease everyone for a while  and gives them a chance to observe small issues that come forth....
Remember :
- the family members that oppose homeschooling love your children too and are worried about them too
- all types of change is difficult,  esp when it is against the norm.


 (Note: The above is a copy of a Whatsapp conversation,   partly edited for clarity)


Tuesday, December 6, 2016

How to homeschool multiple children esp when they are at different study grades? When you have a baby and / or toddler to manage to?

Question : Multiple Children
How to homeschool multiple children esp when they are at different study grades?
when you have a baby and / or toddler to manage to?

SM: 2 sons/ 1 daughter
I had this issue when my daughter was born and my younger one was 2 years old and older one was 6 years old.
I decided to get a maid for the baby from breakfast until lunch. I continued with that maid until my daughter was 3. She would feed (solids) and change and shower and burp. I would nurse and hand the baby to her. As she turned 2 I trained the maid to start doing activities with her.. puzzles.. sensory activities.. beads.. pouring etc.. all under my supervision.. in the next room so she was also being homeschooled..
Meanwhile I would send my 2 year old to art and reading classes in the morning (to a young religious teenage girl who loved children) because he was very hyper and wouldn't let me work with my 6 year old.. I also put him in a day care during the morning time at one point and taught him one in one in the afternoon.
At different times when my 2 year old was willing to sit and focus I was able to teach him and my 6 yr old side by side. During this time I would work with one and give the other one a hands on activity he can do one his own (ex. Writing, puzzles etc) and then switch back and forth.
At this point my youngest is 3 n very eager to 'work' with her brothers.. I have written work prepared for all of them and seat them in different places in the room far from each other (to prevent fights and distractions).. then I move from kid to another to do the reading and explaining parts.. they have to raise their hands if they need help n wait until I can come to them..
They love being graded so I grade them with a red coloring pencil (they chose the color cuz they said that's what teachers use) and I try to make the 3 year old feel that her work is important and needs to get done so she cooperates more. I also tell her if she doesn't follow instructions she will have to leave the school room (that's usually the ultimate horror for her so she cooperates)
I recently made tickets for each kid in different colors.. each ticket has the subjects that kid needs to do.. and they finish a subject they home punch it and when they're finished.. the ticket is used to get screen time.
I can't remember if I shared the tickets pics on here.. so I will paste them again.. basically I've found any incentive charts etc where a child visually sees their progress makes them so much more cooperative..
There would be many times where I had no choice but to teach with little ones around.. I would give them chalk.. white board markers.. glitter glue.. oil pastels.. color pencils.. etc n sit them where I can keep an eye on them.. while I teach the older child..
Ive also changed my timings around based on the situation. Rite after my daughter was born I was too tired to teach in the mornings so I started doing home time in the evenings for some time..
Another idea that works really well with toddlers is junk bags.. I'd put them in my closet n use them when I needed to make wudu and pray.. but ofcourse they can be used at any time.. I took bags and filled them with safe junk.. interesting things that otherwise you would've thrown away.. so it doesn't require any work or effort..
Then randomly take out one bag at a time.. n the smaller child can play with it..
You can also make busy bags and tot trays for them n make an area for them where their stuff is so they can choose activities from there.. but that works better once they're closer to 2 n can focus in on an activity for more than 10 seconds..I only had a maid for the house at that point..
Somehow it was doable with two kids.. when Ibrahim was crawling and Mohammad had to do an art activity.. I'd barricade him in an area with chairs or other things so Ibrahim couldn't get close enough to mess around..
 I'd sit on the dining table with Mohammad and put out Ibrahim's toys on the ground and let him play around.. I'd also homeschool while I fed Ibrahim and also while he napped..

 

SAA: I remember setting up too kids on top of tables with plastic fold-able
Still Mana will pull herself up and babble and be cheeky to distract them
πŸ˜‘πŸ˜‘πŸ˜…
 


SM: Nadia..  I personally feel like there is nothing wrong with screen time.. as long as it educational (or neutral) and limited(in terms of time).. our kids have to be familiar with devices..
I've downloaded so many helpful apps.. we have separate homeschooling folders with the homeschooling apps.. trace letters.. learn to read.. phonics.. simulation.. geography.. maps.. Quran reading.. reading books.. read to me books.. and much more..
Devices.. tv.. computers.. and yes even Facebook.. many people talk about their evils.. but we need to use them for all the benefit they provide..

 

Umm Salar : SM while I agree to what you say somewhat. I also respect that every parent has their own way and rules as to how they conduct screen time for their children- I think children have a hard time understanding limits. And unlimited screen time - even educational can do more harm than good. That's just what I personally believe....that's why I often talk about how important it is to monitor our children when they're online.
But of course- used correctly it may have some benefits.
But I wish we could teach our kids to be more hands on- before they move onto digital devices-- But that's just my _personal_ view point again :)

 

SM: On the contrary.. I feel that children understand limits very well.. they understand that mom is praying and will not answer.. they learn that it's futile to fight showers.. they will have to take them.. they understand when no means no.. n when no means yes..
Yes I agree.. hands on is definitely very important for kids..

 

Umm Salar : Well I don't agree. It's differs from child to child. And I'm specifically talking about them handling digital devices. Independently.
Because once a child is addicted to screen time ...and we've seen many examples sadly- they need constant reminders
And it's difficult for them to disengage
 

SM: I agree that yes.. we definitely need to monitor the kids..
 


Umm Salar Hs: Definitely

 

SM: Thats true.. addiction to screen time is a big problem nowadays
It's something we need to be aware of..
 And yes every parent has to choose what rules and guidelines will work for them and their kids
For what works for one may not work for another..

 

Umm Salar : Definitely agreed.
When I see children who are left unmonitored with devices that allow them to be online unsupervised...I just feel so worried for them.
Because they don't know the long term damage they may be in for.
 Do do share some online resources u use. It's always good to have those healthy alternatives under our belts :)

 

Sarah HS: SM I feel so incompetent reading this. I mean I am no where as organized. In my defense my oldest is four and a half. I generally let them choose what they want to do. Lots of reading and that's pretty much it these days. How much structure do kids under five really need? Like how much book work and all.. πŸ€•

 

SM: Sarah.. not to worry.. I started homeschooling my oldest when he was 4.. before that he was going to school.. I read and read and read to him..
when you hear from homeschoolers with kids older than yours.. keep in mind what they're sharing has taken them years to do.. so take ideas that apply to u today.. I remember when I started I couldn't search homeschooling stuff online.. I would get overwhelmed and wouldn't know what to do.. even now I focus until 5th grade.. when my kid gets there.. then I will think beyond..
And also try to do things that suit your personality.. I'm a free spirit.. I don't like being caged into one specific curriculum.. so I take material from various places for one subject.. but as my oldest son has gotten older.. I've learned to tame down a bit .. in some ways πŸ˜‰.. and stick to one main source for one subject n then supplement.. but I still like going off the curriculum and doing my own thing.. n letting my son do his own thing..
Learning to homeschool is like when u first learn to cook or when u have your first child.. it's very new and it takes time to figure out how to do it and get a feel of things.. then once u figure out your own system.. it gets easier.. hope that makes sense..
Sorry for rambling on n on 😁

 

SN: SM  good job Masha'Allah. I agree with u as well... Have a 4 yr old and loving to be his friend. Sarah, Islam emphasizes on education at the age of 7. All you have to do is just be with him. Play with him . And yes educate children through play-  hands on and hands off both ✌🏼  and reading ti them is the best. We don't realize but our children are picking up every sound and expression we make. Their Bluetooth is on all the the time πŸ™ŠπŸ˜Š as far as writing is concerned... Some children are not interested but u make it interesting. If they don't want to write with a pencil, let them do finger writing with paint. It write In sand. Once I took an old jhaaru and gave my son a bucket with some water . He used that as a paint brush and painted with water on the walls outside lol. Sounds crazy but children enjoy such things

 

SM: Also I suggest you read up on the different type homeschooling philosophies..
 For me.. changing the way I looked at education.. changed the way I taught.. when you go in from a school approach.. the aim is the result.. but for homeschoolers the process of getting to the result is very important..
For example..
Schoolers wanna know your grade.. homeschoolers focus on developing the love of learning..

 

Umm Salar Hs: Well said SM That's really insightful 😘 It's amazing how just reading everyone's experience here is so reassuring and strengthening..Alhamdulilah
 


Mrs AH: 2 sons,7 and 15
My eldest was 11 when the youngest was 3.Since I don't believe that kids under the age of 6 need any formal education it allowed me to keep more focused on my elder son and keep my youngest tag along in real life activities and learn experiential .



SAA:
Having children of different ages was the best part of homeschooling experience
Since 11 and 12 year old ones were doing  Quantum physics last month I was shocked to hear my six year old writing a story about her doppelgΓ€nger
After asking her
She even told me what it is and how the multiple dimensions or universe work 
So it's not always difficult
For me
It's like having multiple gears
Just make sure that both ages are sitting apart or are doing different types of work or your gear box may break
Children if are engaged and self driven for their learning
Have very diverse ways and pace of learning
What you can do is plan for the big picture realistically for each individual child
One would naturally cover concepts step by step
For him you can make curricular system
To my astonishment I realize that most text books do not teach by building association or relation
So I had to build on each concept
Suppose I want them to cover thermodynamics
I'll read the chapter then point out when
The child observe an unusual phenomenon related to it
Then we do an experiment simple one
The child must take notes on
Observation
Give an inference
Then he find the scientific explanation or hypothesis
The laws related to it
And application in the modern mechanic and nature he writes a report or give presentation his choice
I also want them to appreciate art so these days we are researching French landscape art
A few days ago we were researching the willow pattern late Victorian porcelain 
In these projects we collect pics watch documentaries and write reports do Tuesday bazar or museum excursion
My chief effort is for them to understand how design and concepts evolve
I also make sure the children adapt to the vocabulary
Making check points and achieving them is easy but the amount of knowledge differs
Linear learners are easy to trace but slower and tire easily
While
Abstract ones are tireless
Taking in learning all the time it's just they are interested in everything at the same time
Building a picture or mind palace in their head unique to them alone  observing their learning is like observing a miracle
I have known no subject too complex for the kids
Key is to entice their fascinating and make sure they understand the connections and terms
Keep them asking questions and keep asking yours  
While reading and language
My check points are
Sociology
Psychology and the philosophy of that certain piece of literature
It is mandatory for the child to discuss and resolve the questions before moving on
The child become perceptive to reasons and consequences  of actions
The reason children are hyper or emotionally immature these days is because we  do not let them achieve their full potential the brain can do much much more
I apologize for rambling
But lastly to conclude
From earliest stage I have bought builder toys
Ask the child to make things
The wrestle of neurons with ideas is an exhausting and consuming process
But one that needs distinct psycho motor activity to reinforce them neurologically   
So if child is struggling with complex idea a reinforcement of similar pattern helps them overcome it
I think I answer the curriculum question here too
I apologize if went off topic



RS: 
I believe in exposing things to children as they are...like in hajj and prophet stories, use proper rich language....no need to replace words with childish ones. Children have wonderful memories...they can absorb everything from Tawaf to Saaee to Jamarat, Mina, Rami Arafat Ihram etc. Don't test young children like tell me what I told you about hajj yesterday. Just keep on telling...they will start narrating themselves...
Also focus on the spirit of hajj rather than sequence on rituals. Tell them what they should feel during Tawaf...what feelings of a mothers love and sacrifice should one feel during Saee and what it feels like in Muzdalifa...etc..read up ahle Zauq ka hajj for ideas..
Also tell them how important these days are even for non Haajis. Make them do special good deeds n fast like Ramadan (spiritual sense) during the first week of this month...



Conclusion:
Every family develops to teach their children in the way that suits them .
They may teach different aged children at different times of the day.
Keep little ones busy with activities they can do on their own,  while teaching older children.
They may hire a maid to tend to the little one while the mother teaches the elder ones
They may send some of the  children to a tutor
They may even have older children help teach some of the younger ones
Often children younger than 7 learn through play while the elder siblings have more structured work
The pattern of teaching different aged children by a single family varies and changes as the family grows and matures insha'Allah.
 


 (Note: The above is a copy of a Whatsapp conversation,   partly edited for clarity)

How do you know/learn about the techniques they use in school while teaching?

Question: Teaching Techniques
How do you know/learn about the techniques they use in school while teaching?

 

SI: 3 kids /11 month -7 yr 
There are a few publishers who give cds along with their books to teach the contents..like NCE and EAST ....they give ideas we can use to teach basics to the kids
 Once the kids have mastered the basics...other tutorial videos can be watched on YouTube , Khan Academy, etc according to subjects

 

Ummibaps: 8 sons, 1 daughter/ 2 years to 18 years 
Many children's workbooks include teaching tips. You'll also find pointers online.
And as you spend more time with your children you can observe what type of learners they are and how to get through to them,  at least regarding less technical subjects.  Some children are visual and prefer seeing objects and models,  some children can learn a lot from a simple conversation. ....It depends on what your teaching them...

 

Mrs. AH:2 sons,aged 7 and 15
On one hand, with the convenience of having internet connectivity it has become very easy to get in touch or follow teaching methods used in schools. Lots  of passionate teachers have their own websites/blogs showcasing their ideas and techniques,not to mention the websites which are solely dedicated to sharing resources of teaching materials and ideas.There are also lots of good books on child psychology and different teaching methods  so,the bottom line is that we are not dependent on access to the classroom to know how teachers might be working and what methods they'd be using.
On the other hand,these glimpses into teacher techniques are not necessarily to be followed religiously.Just because someone is a teacher it doesn't mean that they understand the way your kid's mind works better, and sometimes,even when they do understand,their methods will nit be able to cater to everyone's individual needs.More often than not,the teacher will have to cater to the majority of the class and will not have the luxury to focus on specific needs if each child.From this point of view,classroom methods leave more to desire than actually accomplish long term results.



Umm Raeyan :  Girl and a boy - 8 and 2 yrs
Apart from referring to website and blogs while my stay in Pakistan I learned many things from my nieces and nephews.
Casual talk; what are they up to; school projects, assignments etc. They love to talk about what they enjoy most and dislike. I got to know things from a child's perspective.
I don't know about others but it worked for me.

 

Soheba:2 boys, 1 girl , Ages 10-5
As Mrs. AH said, there is an abundance of teaching resources available through the internet and books. Many of us also have friends who are teachers who can also guide us. There are also teachers within the homeschooling community.
Various organizations periodically run workshops and courses on parenting and teaching.
Personally I would say the main challenge is implementing methods consistently. It's too easy for mother's to fall back into old habits and cause distress to mother and child. Which ever teaching techniques you choose, it should suit your child's learning style.

 

Conclusion to the Question on using School  Teaching Techniques
- online resources are available
- workbooks include a teaching tips and or teachers guides
- send children to tutors who are teachers
- you can get in touch with teachers / parents of school goers if need be
- often a parent with observe and explain a concept to her child in a manner which suits the child ie parents can communicate with their child to teach on a personal level,  without the need of a technique designed for a classroom



 (Note: The above is a copy of a Whatsapp conversation,   partly edited for clarity)]

How to check the academic progress of homeschooling children ?

Question : Academic Progress
How to check the academic  progress of homeschooling children ?
 


[14/08 8:34 PM] Mrs AH: 2 sons,7 and 15
How to check the academic  progress of homeschooling children ?
As with everything else,there are more resources available nowadays than at any other time in the past to allow us access to testing methods,be it worksheets,test sheets,online quizzes, compiled work books etc. but I personally feel that in pre teen years the sheer interaction with your kids will allow you to assess where they stand with different topics or concepts,you will understand the extent of their grasp from their expressions,the way they apply or avoid certain notions etc.
In teenage years,when examination stage is imminent, testing becomes a necessary evil for those who wish to take that path.syllabus books and workbooks usually offer enough opportunity to practice and then topical past paper exercises can be solved on the same topic as the one which was introduced to see the performance from a more official point of view.
If it were up to me,though,I'd totally eradicate testing and introduce apprenticeship system once again.πŸ™ˆπŸ™ŠπŸ™‰
  On another note,and I hope you will not mind,I wanted to share a tip on helping your kids be more independent and teaching them responsibility.This is just something that works for us and it might help you in at least inspiring you with some ideas, insha'Allah.
My elder son has been making his school lunch from the age of 9.Now that he's old enough,he is in charge of dinner,m mainly for himself and his brother.We've decided together on recipes he likes and are easy enough to make and divided the week up in 2 day veggies,2 days poultry /meat,2 days pulses/beans,1 day carbs for convenience of following through.

 

 Marjo MHS: my 2 and half year old knows he has to tidy up after himself after he plays, although I do help a little he does a fantastic job masha'Allah. After getting undressed he puts his clothes in the washing basket and even throws his nappy away masha'Allah lol I hope to get more tips from you insh'Allah

 

 Mrs AH: Chores still need more supervision as there is no immediate result that would satisfy the kids,as opposed cooking and then EATING.😜
So,for us,although the chores are scheduled in,I need to regularly make sure I ask"is everything done from your list?" And only then they will take a good look at it and follow through since they haven't yet formed feeling of satisfaction when everything is set,neat and out of the way. But,hopefully, with repeated efforts we'll get them to that stage by the time they grow up



Soheba: 3 boys, 1 girl/ Ages 10-5
I agree 100% with Mrs.AH views on testing and bringing back apprenticeship system. Younger children do not need to be tested. Older children appearing for o levels will need to learn how to answer papers.
Excessive testing is more problematic than it is beneficial for both students and teachers. In the West, teachers seem to have caught on to the harms of testing. In Pakistan, teachers don't seem to notice these harms.
I would encourage everyone to look up the harms of standardized testing.
Here is an link for an overview:
http://www.usnews.com/opinion/articles/2013/07/05/the-problem-with-standardized-tests-in-education



Mrs. AH: The above point on standardized tests brings me one step back to teaching methods as well.In all the hype of (too) early education everyone seems to be looking of claims to be in possession of the PERFECT METHOD of teaching a certain skill or concept.And we see so many ask the question"What's the best method to teach reading/division/science etc?"
There is NO Universal BEST METHOD.what's best for one might not suit the requirements of others

 

Ummibaps: 8 sons, 1 daughter / 2yrs to 18yrs
Regarding Academic Progress ....
It depends on your objective of homeschooling.
For families who homeschool in order to excel and go beyond what a school offers;  they can seek out online tests, use workbooks that are grade specific and refer to their children's tutors for progress reports.
For families who homeschool so that their children can learn at their own pace,  they oversee the child's progress and set goals to be achieved.  They do not feel the need to compare academic progress with standards set by others.
Esp in the case of young children learning can be assessed by their conversation and change of behavior.  Have a family discussion at dinner often reveals what the child has learned through the day.

 

Salma MHS: I respect and understand what you are saying, Ummibaps Baji. But when these children enter university life, don't they find it hard to cope with the very different testing style n standards there? I'm assuming, of course, that after learning at home until what (age) would be intermediate/ A-levels age, homeschooled
Kids do enter uni life. Please correct me if I'm wrong
 


Ummibaps: Yes those who want to do go to university.  Adjusting to university life has a lot to do with maturity and capability.
The testing aspect:
Homeschoolers are not unfamiliar with giving examinations,  they do give O and A level papers as private candidates.  Many go to tuition centers to prepare for the papers .. most tuition centers conduct mock examinations to help prepare.
In fact many homeschoolers are less nervous about giving an examination because they have not learned to "fear" an exam as many schooled children do.
The aspect of University life:
many homeschoolers are not strangers to doing research and self study on their own. ( it depends on their upbringing)  School children here receive notes and grooming for exams more that they are taught to seek knowledge on their and so university life becomes daunting at first when they suddenly have to research and regulate their study time for themselves.
 Many homeschoolers live a life at hoe with academics as a part of it. They eventually have to balance both.
Schooled children spend more time per day at school and with school work than life work like household chores and outdoor work etc so at when faced with  university life they find it difficult to study and take care of home....It does happen but is a new experience for them...
Just my thoughts on this


 (Note: The above is a copy of a Whatsapp conversation,   partly edited for clarity)

Monday, December 5, 2016

Home Management

Question : Home Management
How do you manage  homeschooling and housework?



 Umm Raeyan : Daughter 8 years old and Son 2 years old
How do you manage  homeschooling and housework?
I wake up around 2hrs before the children so I may have a quite breakfast and complete most of the house work. I am able to do the work quicker when children are asleep. I don't have any hired help.
Cooking is the last thing in my early morning to do list if it is not done I do it while daughter is doing oral work or spellings while observing me.
My daughter is responsible for dusting (which she barely does) and filling the water bottles.
I clean the house late in the afternoon daughter clears up the house.
I'd like her to be responsible and get involved in the housework.
Forgot to mention we homeschool somewhat year; 4 weeks of book work followed by 5 days of gap.
It helps keep my sanity intact πŸ˜‚
During those 5 days I complete my pending work, connect with family / friends, free play / activities  depending on the weather and if someone has to be invited for dinner etc. it happens during these days.Both the children want to get involved in each other's activities.
He (her son) wants me to tend to him while I am explaining things to daughter. Daughter wants to do the preschool stuff πŸ˜•
Allah helps!
I mean somewhat whole* year


SAA: 3 sons, 2  daughters /ages 16 years to 8yrs
My house work includes cooking cleaning dishes groceries these past week and half I do not have a maid she is off vacationing
So laundry  and sweeping too
The priority of homeschooling is to give your child a holistic learning structure
So we do have chores
I wake up after 8:30 some of my kids are up earlier they relish the Ami free time some of the time they spend doing their dailies early so they could be free later other time they do their computer lecture watching I have the computer smack in the common room and I live with my in laws so multiple people can keep an eye
I make breakfast for 7 which is porridge and either French toast or egg and toast
The breakfast is ready by nine my daughter helps in the table placement and tea making and pouring
At breakfast the children tell what they will do today
It's according to their planners
(they and me both make it before believe me this is the hard part it's for whole year then months then weeks)
It will be like
I'll do 4 skills in Khan Acadmey
Will write this chapter science chemistry physics will see videos of this concept will read this classic and I would do these pages in 10 workbooks will do these worksheets
and I decide who to keep with me while I cook usually one doing the reading
It takes me 1:30 hour at most to cook
The children are committed to be at the same floor as me so I keep an eye on them
If they have questions or are stuck they watch a video or reference book if they are getting stuck more then once usually in maths then I find them a work book that helps in the base building of the said concept
Whatever their progress is they need to show it in a tangible way
They work through pomodoro time management so I do know before the end of each what to expect
Lunch time and dinner are very punctual
Since I don't have maid these days so I keep washing everything while cooking and after lunch too
Instead of sweeping I wash the house with two buckets of water and wipers two children help in that
one remove and put back chairs and small furniture while the other helps in wiping we are timing ourselves and Alhamdulilah it get done in 40 min without tiring any of us we do it mostly when the in laws are having their afternoon snooze
I have a washing machine
One child is responsible for helping and hanging laundry Mash'Allah he is doing the rinsing too since last two days
Boys are responsible for folding their own clothes and my daughter does the rest
After lunch is the time for the child who was lazy or stuck or groceries
In evening children and me read and discuss a rukoo of Quran
If I have to go out like book club or tae condo i wake earlier and cook simply
I also give one day 11-1 or 5 sometimes volunteering for education ngo the children already know their tasks for that day
I also give a Quran class
Night before sleeping I read 365 days with Muhammad and a classic to my kids this is the best time
 Also if you are priority driven you won't have problem achieving more
Iv always been fascinated by assembly line in factories the concept is to reduce the waste effort
And being more efficient
If the child is under 10 then reading is as good as learning as you can give
Make sure the books are worthwhile or what they call living books
If she is interested in fictions more make sure to have really engaging encyclopaedia
Older then that
Children should be given an understanding of what type of future they wish to have
You can give them dream diaries to make
Then slowly build the intrinsic discipline by pointing out when he or she has wasted time or resources
That you are destroying your own dream
 Also finishing their task is their commitment to me breaking a commitment is breaking of trust
And then they will not be trusted with their own time
Growing kids they revel and enjoy the freedom too
But the trust for it needs to be earned
 My mom used to say when we had maids on vacation that this is your home she is doing you a favour if she cleans your home for you
This is your home and you can do it better then her just change the way you see the situation believe me it will be easier
My husband keeps hinting that the cloths and dishes are better washed and I keep ignoring him
πŸ˜†I'll keep her when she comes back


Marjo MHS: So many people have questioned why I chose to homeschool, these are the things I usually say when I talk about homeschooling:
I personally dont feel it’s right for  everyone.
It’s not the only way to be well-educated.
I think it’s the right choice for our my kids and the family inshAllah.
I have a very independent streak when it comes to scheduling my life. I really, really love being able to decide when we'll  take a day off, what hours we’ll do school, when our school year will start and stop, what days we’ll take off  and when we’ll go on field trips etc
I'm not at all saying I can't  follow someone else’s schedule…I did it in Uni and work, of course. It’s just not my first choice.
I feel homeschooling is very efficient, and that efficiency means that my little ones will have a lot of free time to play. Since free time to play is actually really valuable for children, this is a huge benefit in my mind.
As they grow older Insh'Allah, this time will give them a lot more opportunities to work and to pursue their interests eg cooking, baking, piano lessons etc.
Homeschooled children do a lot of figuring it out themselves kinda work, with mum near by to help out. When I was studying, I was so used to teaching myself by using the book, when I got to Uni, I was surprised at how much my peers depended on the professor.
A quick fact- this is mostly how Abraham Lincoln was educated…by reading books! He only had about a year total of formal schooling in his life
I know everyone who homeschools has their own way of doing it, but I definitely want to focus on helping my children find answers for themselves. ai plan to offer assistance when they need it, of course, but only after they’ve helped themselves by reading the directions, looking things up in the index, or looking back at previous lessons. When I do help them, I will do so by asking them questions intended to make them think through the problem.
I feel if you know how to figure things out for yourself, you can learn pretty much anything you want. The sky is the limit!
Due to the nature of traditional schooling, children spend the majority of their day around children their own age. This isn’t at all bad, but I appreciate that homeschooling keeps my children around people of varying ages. Not only do they spend significant amounts of time with their older and younger cousins/ siblings, they also go out and about with me and interact with adults, and when we get together with other homeschooling families, the age range there tends to be pretty wide.
Quite often, children don’t fit neatly into a single grade level, and when we homeschool, we can move a child through each subject at a rate that is appropriate for them.
This is far more important for me particularly in the early grades than it will be when my children are older.  I like that I can choose which children spend time with my children. Young children especially are very open to influence and I appreciate that I don’t have to deal with them picking up bad ideas/behaviour from children at school.
I also like that I can make sure that unkind behaviour from other children doesn’t interfere with their ability to learn. In my opinion, bullying is serious business, and sadly, sometimes schools don’t do a good job of dealing with it.
This may not be a particularly fun aspect of homeschooling, but it is true that being home with my children all day gives me ample time to see faults/poor behavior patterns and also gives me time to address them
Admittedly, this would be pretty far down the list if I arranged these by priority, but it is awfully nice to be able to plan activities at times when everyone else is in school
We can visit museums and the zoo during the week, we can have park outings if a lovely day happens to fall in the middle of the week, and we can schedule dentist appointments and doctor appointments in the morning
Ok! That’s my not-exhaustive, imperfect list. You might feel exhausted after reading it (it’s long!), but I hope it helps you to understand a bit more about why I’ve chosen to homeschool.
I want to add that from what I’ve read, it seems like the most important ingredient in educational success is parental involvement whether your child is in school or at home.


Ummibaps - 8 sons , 1 daughter / 2yrs to 18yrs
Alhumdulillah I do have maids in the morning who ease my day to day housework. 
We prefer to get workbook work done in the mornings for my little ones. Unfortunately we're not early risers but we wrap up work by Zhur. After lunch they attend a Tajweed class in DHA. They return around Asr.
Currently my younger 2 teens are studying math and physics from their elder brothers and some writing work  conducted by their father.
They also attend tae kwondo in the morning a one a week,  and some attend a football club on some days of the week. My daughter currently attends Candy Club twice a week too. These activities vary from month to month and we schedule our studies according.
My eldest two attend a tution center and have their made their own schedules accordingly. 
My maid's leave by Asr ( I prefer to cook around magrib) and after that the children have their assigned household chores which include taking out dinner,  washing dishes,  sweeping up after dinner,  cleaning the little one and other small bedtime preparations. We have a weekly rotation for chores.
In short we all must do our part to manage our home .


Dr. MK : 3 kids...7 yrs,4 yrs ,1 yr
we usually wake up at 10..but its different everyday bcz of the infant...then we do breakfast...we try to study in the morning...we do worksheets and make activity charts...while the maid does the housework....
the kids take bath after studying....
we eat the day before left over for lunch ....
after that the elder one goes for Arabic class and the little ones play indoors....
In the evening when  the elder one comes they go out to play with friends...i keep on doing my work ....when the kids come.home after maghrib we read some books with snacks together and the kids have their screen time while i arrange the dinner....after dinner... they play with their father....and then sleep around 11...
this is a rough sketch of our routine..it varies when we have to go somewhere..


SK HS: Those who have mentioned their day routine. Kindly mention if they are living in joint family or not


Dr. MK: i live separately....i usually do cooking in the evening when the kids are playing outside and little one sleeping
I give them more time to play other than academics..but now the elder one is 7 so trying to set a routine for him....working on it
the elder has some responsibilities ...before sleeping he make beds...bring out the quilts....switches off lights of the whole house....through out the day my kids ans the doorbell...my 4 yr old bring the milk from milkman
the elder also supervises if we have a plumber or carpenter doing something...these are small things he do...
i live in a campus and its safe inside so i can send them to the main gate...


AM: Daughter 4 years, Son 10 months
We wake up around 9. Can be 10 also because of night feeds. We live in a joint family but I do not cook for the whole family . We have breakfast together. Then we sit down for whatever my daughter feels like. Our homeschooling is very much child driven. I try to manage baby in between her activities. We have lunch around 2:30 then its free play time till I get done with chores and grocery shopping. In the evening I prepare snacks for them and then try to take them both to the park. We stay till maghrib. Afterwards its a workbook time if my daughter feels like otherwise its not a compulsion. My 4 years old tries to help me with the baby. Looks after him sometimes while I put the laundry away or make beds. I highly encourage her to fold and put away her and her brother's blanket. She helps me with cleaning up after activities and play. We sleep around 10 depending if  its a regular stay at home day.


Soheba M:2 boys 1 girl ages 10-5
I live with my parent in laws. We have a part time for cleaning, and a full time maid who helps in the kitchen and basically does tends to my in-laws.
I do everything related to my children myself and I cook the family meals (my main daily responsibilities).  Having a maid in the kitchen helps when I'm short on time, but we manage well even when she goes on leave by giving the kids more chores.
The following is what is fixed in our routine. I avoid moving these things around. Everything else concerned with housekeeping, errands and personal interests fits in around this skeleton.
7am - this is the latest time we are all up by.
The children now prepare their own breakfast.
8am -11pm - homeschool time.
Workbook work first is done first. That leaves the rest of the day open for experiments, computer work or any other curriculum-based activity.
11 - 12 -Quran
12-2 Lunch break
Morning homeschool time is a bit short these days because our Quran teacher is coming at the odd time of 11am. So these days homeschool time restarts for another hour or so between 2-4
Shopping, errands etc and fit in any time between 12-5, depending on car availability. Somethings I do with the kids, other times I leave them at home.
I cook at at around 5. The kids often help.
Kids eat at 6.
The younger 2 are in bed by 7.
The rest of us eat after my husband comes home, approx 8.30.
Elder one is awake until 9.
9.30 onwards is my personal time Alhamdulillah. I use it to do whatever is most pressing (that can also include giving myself a break and not do anything in particular).
A thorough bedroom and workspace cleaning is done by the kids on Saturdays.
I'm trying to get kids to homeschool more independently this year. So far I've had mixed results, so I can't complain just yet.
And yes! There is always a back log of things that need to be done. But I don't see how that's different for mother's who's children are at school.


SM: 3 kids.. 9 yrs.. 5yrs.. 3 yrs..
I have a maid that handles all kitchen tasks. She is given the menu for the day and knows what to make and what time to have it ready on the table. The cleaning girl also knows her tasks. I put laundry in the washer at random times of the day and the maid puts it out, irons it and puts it back in the closets.
With major household tasks out of the way.. I handle the kids homeschooling and also teach and take classes myself. Around 10 to 2pm.. we homeschool.. the timings aren't rigid.. sometimes we will continue homeschooling after lunch and sometimes in the evenings as well.. I keep a lookout for teaching moments so if a topic comes up we can sit down and talk about it.
I usually start working with the younger two and give the 9 year old some work he can do on his own.. then I give my younger ones some tasks to do on their own while I work with the older one.. and I alternate back and forth as needed.. certain subjects the kids do online n I try to have them do things that they can work on independently ..
Ive started making the younger two raise their hands when they need my help.. they enjoy it n I get some time to finish doing my task and attend to them..
In the evening the kids go for sports classes.. then come back and have some screen time (mostly educational stuff) before dinner.. then showers and bedtime..
I had started teaching my 9 year to start learning some basic cooking skills, he would wash some dishes on Sunday, how to separate colors n put in a load of laundry and he had been in charge of the homeschool room daily cleanup..
The 5 year old had started lining up all the shoes at bedtime and doing a few other before bedtime chores..
Weekends kids have different classes and its also a time to do fun things..
Evenings while the kids are at sports class is often the time I use to do errands.. and after the kids are in bed it's me time where I can study and prepare for my classes or simply relax..
 My schedule keeps changing.. classes change.. n kids needs change.. recently my 3 year old stopped taking a nap.. so that made me change things around a bit.. and we don't end up doing all the subjects on the day we are supposed to do them.. but that's ok.. i don't worry about daily progress but I access things monthly.. as long as we're making overall progress.. it's good enough..


 (Note: The above is a copy of a Whatsapp conversation,   partly edited for clarity)

Extra Curricular Activities

Question: Extra Curricular Activities
What about extra curricular activities and various other competitions held in schools?


MN:1 son and 2 daughters      
3 years back I was the part of big name school....I taught primary there, at the time of sports week what i had observed that the big sport event was not for the sake of p.e but for commercialization.....the main purpose was to attract parents, sorry to say their customers.....thats what i had observed
In the name of discipline kids weren't allow to go to wash room or to drink water except urgent need......the kids were in so much pressure.....in my opinion it wasn't appropriate practice.


SK HS: Son 3.5 Daughter 1.5
I don't advocate in favor of the activities held in school under the name of 'extra curricular' as not all kids get a chance to participate. However, I believe kids at home must experience different ventures from swimming to horse riding to other educational and cognition related ones.
Grouping kids of the same area to compete with other area kids will be a nice idea in my opinion. Parents can work out in creating such opportunities

Ummibaps: 8 sons, 1 daughter / 2yrs to 18yrs
Extra Curricular  Activities that homeschoolers are involved in :
Taekwondo
Swimming class
Football club
Candy Club (science club)
Horse Riding classes
Sewing Class
Robotics Class
Also Workshops conducted by
Hiba magazine (calligraphy, creative writing, art, shadow puppetry  etc)
L2l (wood work,  science etc)
Pottery classes
Competitions :
Scrabble (Pakistan Scrabble Association )
Model of the United Nations (conducted by various schools and organizations )
Various competitions conducted by Hibakidz
(Photography,  art, talent, creative writing)
Activities organized by homeschoolers for homeschoolers :
Sports day
Science Fair
Presentation day
Role play in an auditorium
Mela for fun
Mela for collecting money for books
Jupiter sighting with Pakistan Astronomers Association  (not sure if it got the name right sorry)
Field trips to
Fire station
National museum
KU zoological museum
Zoo
School for the deaf and mute children
Forgot to mention that homeschoolers have also attend Astronomy classes and sightings too

Mr.AH: 2 sons,7 and 15
Best extra curricular activity is chores.It light seems like a joke but I think we get too caught up with giving and existing kids to "everything". This does not mean that I'll keep my kids at home on purpose,we will do as much as our family's circumstances allow for the individual needs and interests of our kids but I still consider (personally remember) household contributions the biggest part in a wholesome development.



Conclusion to question on Extra Curricular Activities
Alhumdulillah homeschooled children do find opportunities to participate in events like those held in schools
- as private participants at schools and colleges
- in activities hosted by other non academic  organizations
- in activities organized by homeschoolers
Alhumdulillah


(Note: The above is a copy of a Whatsapp conversation,   partly edited for clarity)

What About Socialization?

Question: Socialization
What about socialization for homeschooled children?

Umm Salar Hs:
 I wouldn't say the for and against argument is that clear cut: not all school going children are pigeon holed and not all home schooled kids that I've seen are inquisitive/curious. There are some homeschooled children who actually are socially awkward but then so are some school goers.
I feel apart from the 'education' factor- there is also upbringing and a child's exposure to life that comes into play. Wouldn't say it's fair to put on a label on either.
 But I do think that homeschooling pushes caretakers/parents to find more interesting and out of the box avenues for their kids to socialise.



SM: 2 boys, 1 girl ages/ 5-10
 I agree with you Mariam.
But I would add that homeschooled kids generally seem to be more comfortable being themselves.
At least that's my experience with my kids and those in our group.



Umm Salar Hs: At least those who care about that aspect of homeschooling.
Well I've met many more homeschoolers than our limited group and I would say it different for every child. I haven't found that observation to be present in ALL.
 I believe a family's input and a child's exposure on a broad spectrum would determine how they feel about themselves and how they conduct themselves with people all around. I've found some homeschoolers to be extremely shy. But have also seen this as much in school goers. But then again give or take I think it's a hard question to completely answer.
Have not seen the shyness* factor as much I meant- in school goers.
Parents and how they interact with their kids I feel really determines children's confidence. Whether they are homeschooled or go to school.
 But again...id love to hear some veteran homeschoolers' take on this :) have been very curious about it myself. In my experience socialising a child with their peers (not necessarily the exact same age group) has tenfolds of benefits in their development. They learn a lot from each other. Sometimes things that adults can't get across.
An example-- I'd been trying to teach my son swimming for a month and something was off in his synchronizing-- for one or two days after I let him swim only with kids,splash around etc. The next thing I know he comes to me and says.."this kid showed me how to do this" and he got it. So that's Alhumdulillah a small example..
I also observed better speech development when my son was exposed to other kids. In contrast to just being with adults.



SK HS: 2 children/ Boy 3.5 yrs Girl 1.5 yrs
In my opinion, when we opt for homeschooling, we must offer them various exposures like the activities and exhibitions etc. A meet up of homeschooling kids and other kids at some place competing and contributing for a cause or any activity. If a child is kept inside home only then it hinder some crucial personality traits. This is where I lack that to provide for opportunities.



SM:3 boy 1 girl/Ages 10-5
Homeschooling doesn't mean keeping your children at home and depriving them of interaction with other children and adults. People who assume that of homeschoolers are silly.
Socializing happens in many places:
siblings
Parents
Grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousin's
Friends made through parents
Friends made within the homeschool community
Friends made through external classes/sports activities
Interacting with shop keepers
And the list goes on....
All these different interactions require slightly different behaviors. We want our children to be able to handle themselves appropriately no matter who they are with. Time spent with role model adults is given as much importance (possibly more) as time spent with children of the same age. A varied social experience isn't always possible when school takes up 8 hours of the day, followed by homework and tuition.
Most school kids are hung up on age being a criteria for friendship. Similar age does facilitate friendship on the assumption that there will be common interests. But age shouldn't be a limitation to building friendships. Being out of school encourages homeschoolers to choose from a broader circle the people they want socialize with.
Also, some children are simply happier with less socialization.
My elder son was extremely shy and lacked confidence while school. I strongly feel that homeschooling helped him gain confidence at his own pace. He was able to overcome his shyness with out pressure to interact with people. He is still shy but nowhere near as much as before. I'm actually amazed when relatives come up to me at family gatherings to ask me what I'm doing with my kids because they are able speak so confidently with adults. Alhamdulillah!
Finally, I always remind non-homeschoolers that there is such a thing as too much socialization and negative socialization. As homeschoolers, we have more control over who our children are influenced by, and it's up to us to decide how much socialization is required by our children. As they get older and more independent, insha'Allah they will be able to make healthy choices in friends and remain true to their own personality and beliefs.



Mrs. AH: 2 sons?aged 7 and 15
I second everything that SM has so brilliantly touched on. Furthermore I'd like to elaborate on the fact that besides restricting interaction to the confines of age school socialisation is based (just like everything else within school) on a standard formula to which it is assumed that every kid will correspond.
An acknowledgement needs to come forth with regards to every person and child's unique need and way of socialising.Some will be very social by nature, some will be shy, some will feel the need to interact with elders, other may be very susceptible to outside influences etc.
The point is, every child's need is different,as is ours. We see it amongst ourselves, some friends are very social and yet others feel socially awkward and only do well in one on one circumstances and we all went to school and yet school has not made us any "better." At the risk of repeating myself,humans by nature are so unique from one another I don't feel it makes any sense to try and fit everyone in the same recipe.
This being said,we come back to the point that parents will be the only ones who will have their kids best interest at heart and will try their best to cater to their children's needs, be it social or academic.
As homeschoolers we generally get more freedom to cater to our children's individual needs but the concern of not being able to cater what you'd like to is real.Sometimes we have no choice but to send them to schools and sometimes we have no choice over their exposure within the family and yet other times we might not be able to expose them to social circumstances as often as we'd like and all of that is OK,it's called life and it seldom goes the way you want it to. But as long as you've tried and done your best within the circumstances you find yourself in the rest will be taken care of with du'a.
There was one thing that helped me decide to stand up for my kids regarding homeschooling and that is the fact that as long as they re too young to make their own decisions I am responsible of making those choices for them,it's my job and the realisation of the importance of this duty has given me the strength to move forward.Nevertheless,this continuous struggle for your kids' best interest needs to always be accompanied by the humble realisation that many a times our hands will be tied to some extent but as long as we do our best the rest will happen with Allah's help, insha'Allah.

  
Umm Salar Hs: 1 son, aged 5
The first reaction that I mostly get from people when I explain homeschooling is how unfair it must be for the child to be missing out on all the 'fun' and the opportunity to be more 'worldly' by being in an environment where he would learn by being exposed to different traits of different children and through competition. This brings me to question what exactly is fun and what exactly is worldly and who has made these definitions. Whether in school or homeschooling, our perceptions about life are constantly changing. Why does it need to be a set pretext when it comes to children? My problem with school is the robotic sequence of repeated days and times and the  restriction to grow at ones own pace. My problems is also the fact that we have very little control of who our children might befriend. We might not be able to correct things in time etc. So homeschooling, as Mrs AH beautifully explained, gives us that control. But with that control also comes a good amount of responsibility because our kids are solely dependent on us to find friends. The correct way to say it would be homeschooling kids socialise "differently"from their school going counterparts. They spend a large time being around those who are not boxed in the same room as them for years. So this diversity is perhaps more powerful and enriching and knowledgeable than the environment of a school. Perhaps, because it allows for a pressure-free pace to judge, approach and befriend. Also it allows for befriending older or younger mates which by many educationists' standards is better than having friends in only ones "own age group".
The avenues are plenty as the responses above have highlighted. But it is up to the parents to make that effort. It's one of those challenges that we must take up to task. Without being given the opportunity to interact at different avenues this just won't happen for homeschoolers.
Another reality is that homeschooling kids need to make more effort at keeping friendships because it's not taken for granted that you will be meeting your mates physically every single day.
But it proves that over socialising does not really make it any better.
I also feel that living in a city as dangerous as ours further limits how much outside physical freedom we can afford to give our children. Even our older boys. That is truly something that is shaping our children's generation into a paranoid, warped and home-bound society on a large level. That's a challenge truly and I'd like to hear how mothers of older children handle this fear.
At the end, every child's needs are unique so are their circumstances. While being out of school is truly a blessing for those kids who have the opportunity and means, for some it might jeopardize their growth. Some people's families are not the ideal environment where they would like their children to be exposed on a regular basis or even every single whole days. The environment might actually do more damage in learning and their socialising then help. Also not every parent may find it easy to homeschool or to provide socialising opportunities to their children. They simply may not have the means despite wanting to. In that case one must make the correct choice. I've come across many parents who are extremely happy after pulling their kids out of school and homeschooling. But I also know those who realised they couldn't do it for various reasons and enrolled their kids so it wouldn't be unfair. So it cannot be one formula fits all. It must be a tailored overall decision.



SA: 4 daughters /aged 0.8 - 11yrs
I worry that our city's security situation really limits how much our kids socialize. Kids in my generation played out on the streets in the evenings and could go buy groceries for the the family alone. Do kids still do that? I don't allow it though I'm tempted to do so and drive behind them at a distance. I sometimes rely on my driver to send my elder daughters to their friends' or events, with my heart in my mouth. But then I wouldn't feel safe sending them to an institution daily with the driver! So I have to drag myself and my two toddlers along if I want any peace of mind. It just seems to me you need a lot of resources and spare time (to be security guards for kids) to socialize even in this city of 20 million people. What tricks do you use to overcome security risks?
Being able to select kids' social circles is a great advantage for homeschoolers. Especially at younger ages when they are so impressionable. When my daughter went to school I organized many parties and visited her friends' houses too. Even when the moms were very friendly and striving to be good Muslims, like attending madrasahs and learning Quran, their kids seemed to be on a different track, lead on by tv and consumer items. Very sad. I'm sure this was just a small sample from all the variety of children in her class. However with very little access to her in her school premises, I was helpless with whom she hung out with. At home and even with joint families at least you know the challenge you have and what you are up against. You aren't in the dark about your kids' company. Alhamdulillah I've been fortunate to find like-minded families while homeschooling and I couldn't access such families even though I tried when I sent my daughter to school. I hope and pray all you sisters are able to find the company of wonderful families for yourself and your kids.



Sadaf2161‬: 
I would like to add my little experiences as even though I went to school I was raised in isolation but not exactly mummy daddy girl. I was overly protected by my parents as they lost my older brother at age 15. So then becoming an only child any parent is bound to become overly protective.
My father was a businessman. With a very streetwise ex husband who use to bully me left right and center, trust me it is only fear of Allah and understanding of my deen that has saved me. In short the morals not street wiseness. If it's street wise that we want our children to become, mind you there will always be another smarter than your child. The promise of "Rizq" is with Allah. Alhamdulillah! Can our street wiseness be compared to His rules of life ?
Now I deal with different kinds of institutes like CBC, DHA, FBR, customs etc. and I need not mention the level of corruption in their practises. If I don't have my papers right all the time (morals), I don't think I can out smart such evil geniuses who are nothing less then hovering vultures.
This is my experience. I not challenging anyone's opinion. Hope not to have offended anyone.

MS: 2 boys, 1 girl/ ages 15, 8, 1.5
Sadaf2161 I do agree on some points. But children do need to be street smart . Unfortunately, even though my oldest is going through the school system he isn't any street smarter . And elders keep pushing me to let him out alone more . Street smart doesn't mean to deviate him from Allah and teach him to cheat , back stab but he needs to learn to push to be seen to take credit for his work, to plan accordingly and not be taken advantage of . Do you get what I am trying to say? I have utter and complete faith in Allah that He provides but that doesn't mean we don't have to work hard for it . I don't want any of my child to be left behind because he didn't know how to push forward . 😊 meant no offence . Just my opinion .

Mrs AH: 
But in the context of   extended social interaction vs limited social interaction,I feel that street smartness is not the top of the list to be worried about.

SK2:
 A very relevant discussion. I think being street smart is not bad but realizing your weaknesses, such as humility, innocence or simple mindedness as they are often considered negatives in today's world,  makes one rely on God more. And when He responds to you, then there is no street smart guy who can outdo you. So I think we should concentrate more on making our kids God aware and leave them in God's protection and care. He will fight their battles for them.


Sadaf2161‬: 
 I think a lot depends on the nature of the child. Some when exposed to too much socialising (schooling) get bullied. Instead of becoming social and interactive, they go in their shells.
And those who have limited exposure come out beautify when needed.


SM:
 Some are also naturally street smart. My second son certainly is!
But while he is young I have the opportunity to supervise him more and steer him towards making morally correct choices and behavior.

  
Umm Salar: 
Well said. Everyone has put forward thought provoking points across. Mrs. AH thank you for taking the discussion further. Yes the fathers have a perspective to add.
And while saying this I am questioning myself too. We talk about being able to control everything our children would be doing and to be able to control their company- how long do we _really_ think that we can control every aspect of their lives. Do we think when they are independent- some of what we have taught them would not be undone? Ofcourse it will be. I think a large part of our well being depends on putting trust in Allah too.
When we send our children out- even in riskier situations- we are trusting Allah to guide and protect them aren't we? I believe somewhat is the same with socialising. We will never be able to totally control this after a certain point in time..and that is something I try to prepare myself for as a mother.
Now for the fathers' perspective- and this is coming from a place of concern and well wishing of course. Some of them are in hiring positions and some were in the position that allowed them to interview kids for university admissions..so it's safe to say they had the chance to come face to face with all kinds of young adults. Interestingly some mentioned a few instances where they were interviewing some who have been homeschooled as kids too.
First of all the general observation was that being in an institution enables an appreciation and understanding of formal ceremonies..not just events but how to conduct oneself. How to respect others' point of views, a sense of working in a team. Secondly there was a stark prominence of being socially and verbally assertive (being able to stand up for oneself in midst of debates / being streetwise as someone said is not about committing a wrong act but to be self confident) which translates into confidence..they found that somewhat lacking In the majority of those who had had less exposure socially as children. Mind you- this is strictly talking about people's outward personalities and not academic excellence since both kinds were able to achieve the required level of excellence.
And most importantly the presence and the making of a network of people in their lives that greatly helps careers in every capacity later on. Strictly talking about boys/young men- it was suggested that a low exposure socially hinders this sort of development as we consider most have to step out and work in an environment. Not many have the luxury to make a living staying secluded.
So a lot to take in...I tell myself to analyse and do some constructive criticism of my own ideas and see how we can maximise our children's potential and yet not lose the essence of what Allah has commanded in sha Allah.


Umm Salar :
 In case anyone was wondering where we found this unique set of fathers-- My husband actually has been a professor and taught at mba level for a number of years and had the opportunity of being on interview panels for admissions hence his association. The same men also have their businesses and so also have the opportunity to meet young adults who are interviewed for hiring.
The networking part really interests me and as someone who has been a working woman I have seen how that gives people an edge. Ofcourse there a lot of counter arguments that pop into my brain regarding this. Would love to hear others' perspectives.

Ummibaps:1 daughter, 8 sons / ages 2 to 18 yrs
Masha'Allah much has been said about the various aspects of socialization so I will add just a little
About Friends
- when in a class room,  children feel compelled to make friends with those within it,  their choice of friends is limited
- often the child labeled as a poor academic or not good in sports by teachers is stigmatised,  small children take their cues from adults
- homeschooled children meet children of various ages at various gatherings like parks,  workshops etc ,  they often become friendly with those they like and do not feel compelled to seek companionship with those who they'd rather not...
- for any relationship to develop the relationship needs to be nurtured.  For younger children, parents make an effort to get children who are friends to meet at their homes ,  attended classes together etc. Older children will nurture their relationships  through phone calls,  online chats etc
-most little children will seek out friends amongst older children,  who are physically more mature and more experienced that their age group. They find it exciting to play with them ,  for filling their unconscious desire to learn and be mentored
- homeschooling does not mean living in a box. It entails seeking opportunities and making conscious decisions regarding your child' s up bring and education, this includes Socialization

On learning how to deal with people from diverse backgrounds :
- in order to teach children to deal with people from various walks of life , they need to be given opportunities to deal with them.
For eg monitoring a plumber as he works in your home
Buying vegetables from a stall
Calling an organisation to file a complaint like when a telephone/ Internet  connection is down
Placing an order for home delivery on the phone or ordering food at a restaurant
Serving guests and tending to their needs
Etc
-You will have to coach the child on what to say,  explain the correct tone to use in accordance with their age
-Expect social gaffs/ mistakes to happen but do correct them later and explain what should be done
- have the children observe your interaction with people not just at home but when you go out too like shops/ banks etc
These are skills you do not learn from reading a book,  filling out a worksheet and watching a role play.  They are learned by experiencing them.

 Also,  seek out adults who you want you children to benefit from and invite them to your home. Have your children present in the room as you dine with them and talk. Children find adult discussions intriguing and can learn alot from listening to them .
Remember, as a child our Prophet (SAW) accompanied his grandfather and sat with him under shade of the Kabaa as people sought his grandfather's help.
He (SAW) also mentions an agreement by the elders regarding the welling be of the oppressed,  which he witnessed in his youth.
Children sat and played around the gatherings of the Sahabas too.


S .K. Hs : About this all socialization. our prime concern must always be the company a child has because this frames his personality too. Hadith's also show that a human is known by the company he keeps. For that we can be selective to know what kind of language they use, ideas they hold, their preferences. Can arrange a party at home where you can talk about some moral stories in between games and stuff. Upbringing of neighborhood kids is also crucial. Dialogues with their mothers etc may be depending how much receptive they are
And if the kid has learned some bad stuff from friends and surroundings. It is our duty to detox it. We can not control everyone around nor can we change. We just can try our level best and model the desired behavior that we want our kids to adapt. We can not prevent them from knowing filthy language and dirty things as the exposure is much these days but can gain their confidence and talk out in friendly way. As NAK says be your child's best friend before the society offers him one.


(Note: The above is a copy of a Whatsapp conversation,   partly edited for clarity)